RumbaFlex

...Exceeding All Expectations of Excellence

Travel-Mate Pocket-Sized Language Translator

• Isn't "pocket-sized"
• Hand-cranking makes casual conversation difficult and "awkward"
• Inability to process dialects creates frequent misunderstandings
• Screeching, high-pitched mechanism alarming to some, especially French and Japanese people
• Manual volume control by "putting your ear closer" considered unreliable and dangerous
• Damage waiver and consent forms discourage candid dialogue

Toaster

Model #5920-A1

Manifest defect(s):

• Single-slice capacity insufficient for most commercial and residential applications
• Diesel turbine leaves "petroleum" aftertaste to toast
• Duel "de-crusting" shredders were inaccurate, causing operator injury
• Hook'N'Pulley toast removal mechanism too complex and extremely risky for operators under 5' tall
• Shoulder strap failed to make toaster truly "portable"

ShoeMax 1400 Commercial Shoe Tree

Model #763E-01

Discontinued 04/01.

Manifest defect(s):

• Toxic discharge
• Excessive torque resulting in frequent shoe tearing and distension
• Heavy operator bruising and sausage-sized welts
• Smoke inhalation resulting in bloody stool

TrimMagic Lawn Edger

MODEL #Gh-674200

Discontinued 10/88.

Manifest defect(s):

• Property and utility line damage
• Rapid operator harness "whiplash"
• Violent flywheel kickback

Execu-Grill 8400 Gas Grill

Model #45l465-5

Discontinued 04/16

Manifest defect(s):

• No cook top - does not open
• No grill surface
• No doors to access storage
• No place to attach propane tank or hose

Happy Chef! Cheese Grater

Model #459-FD9

Discontinued 11/07

Manifest Defect(s):

• For some reason, will not grate muenster cheese
• Steel safety chest plate cumbersome and not "cheese colored"
• Wild fluctuations in RPM's resulting in erratic and violent cheese overspray

Universal TV Remote

Model #2857-h38

Discontinued 02/12

Manifest Defect(s):

• Cumbersome and labor-intensive channel-changing wheel
• No volume control
• Requires grounded extension chord for power - no battery capability
• Must be connected to most TV's with an expensive and unreliable network of cables, belts, and hooks
• Comes in only one color
• Requires near constant lubrication
• Frequent pinching and "thumb popping" creates unpleasant entertainment experience